✕ Chapter 2 - Back to where I never left ✕
Thinking about it, I have never been that lucky with love. It does not mean I have no experience with it! It just, most of the time, did not end up going in my favor. Maybe it is because of my interests? Or am I just naturally unlucky? I have read enough romance novels to know wh- DING DOOONG
My daydream was daywoken-up by the bell. These classes are so boring… And in contrary to high-school, the teachers here do not really care if you are not listening, so I often find myself drifting off to the deepest parts of my thoughts… Suddenly, a quiet voice seemed to be directed towards me :
“So, um. See you tomorrow? Ryo, right?”
I did my best to quickly reply to this unexpected interaction ;
“Y-Yeah! See you there!” and the majestic golden girl left without another word.
I rubbed my eyes, which were showing me blurry images thanks to my practically asleep state of before, and took another glance at the leaving figure. That's right, I met up with a new person for the first time of my new life today! And this girl was her! But, saying that was exaggerating way too much. Sara… Apart from when she came in, I did not talk to her again for the rest of the day. Maybe I was scared to come off as weird? I should stop asking so much questions, I guess it is okay to not immediately click with someone, relationships need to be built overtime! At least that's what I learned by reading so many novels. Oh right, I was thinking about novels before, but I cannot recall exactly why… I guess my daydream came and went just like any other dream. It probably was not anything important.
I started to make my way back home just like I would have any other day. It has become quite cold outside, but the breeze still is as pleasant as ever. I let out a long sigh, and thought to myself:
“Aaahh, and to think I expected things to change a bit for once.”
I wonder why I immediately thought that because we were going to work together we would become friends. I do not even remember how I became friends with Ribbon-chan, it’s like we always were… I immediately pushed aside my policy to not ask questions - which was only created moments ago - and went down a spiral of self-doubt and spite and whatever else my mind would latch onto, like starting an argument with myself.
“I mean, it’s not entirely my fault right, it’s not like she made any moves either!”
“But why would she have? Nothing was forcing us to become friends in the first place.”
“Still, that doesn’t mean she could ignore me all day!”
“Ignore you?! It’s not like you made any effort either- Agh, if only Ribbon-chan was h-”.
Oh, that’s right, Ribbon-chan. Nothing is stopping me from messaging her, right? I quickly glanced around me, trying to find a place where I could sit. After a bit, I decided to sit on a bench in a park close to my house, and to try and find the perfect message to send to her.
But now, no thoughts came.
I sat there, staring into the distance, like a wounded bird staring at its nest from the ground.
“Ribbon-chan… Maybe I should not bother her for once.” This thought made me realize how much she had helped me throughout the years: Every time I had a worry, even the tiniest ones, Ribbon-chan was here to listen to me, to support me. Even when she was not giving me advice, just knowing she would always lend me her ear would bring me a big sense of comfort. She had to sit through so many of my ramblings…
I did not know why I even started to think about this, I really am all over the place today. Suddenly, the breeze started to ramp up, turning into strong, chilly winds. This helped me clear my mind of those awful ideas I had been having since class ended, but also probably the ones from even earlier than that. I decided to work on my thoughts one last time, as to give a sense of closure to this hectic afternoon;
“I need to improve myself in order to finally be able to be the one on the helping side once we meet again… If we ever do that is.” ... “I really am the coward, am I not? Not only was I blaming Sara for nothing, I pushed all of that aside for my own selfishness, and was about to give up right when things were starting. I was going to do exactly like before… And for meaningless feelings, it’s not even been one day!”
“But, you didn’t, right? Doesn’t that mean things have changed at least a little bit?” I guess this is right. It is not like a single day could make or break my entire life, right? Ribbon-chan really meant it when she was calling me an overthinker, maybe I should at least tell her th-
“Achoo!” Oh, right, all this nonsense in my brain made me forget where I even was. The winds were stronger than ever now, and that sun had started to set. I decided to slowly stand up, and finally end my journey for today. As I got up, it felt like a knot was slowly being tied around my throat. I always end up emotional after these episodes of mine, but as a start of my ever-changing life, I decided to contain it for once. Seeing my situation, if my feelings ended up getting to me I would really seem like The Crying Lone Ghost - One of my favorite books, but that’s a story for another day -. I took a few steps through the park. It really is at its most beautiful in this short window of time between autumn and winter, even if the few remaining tree leaves are shaking like crazy right now because of the wind. The calm yet deep atmosphere of the season, everything is quiet, apart from the sound of leaves crunching under my shaky steps. I truly do not think there is anything quite like it. I continued my walk through this park, which I never visited despite the fact that it is close to where I live. The gray stone path felt nice to traverse, especially when admiring the discolored grass. It still had just enough colors to be able to imagine how beautiful it could be with the flowers of spring, maybe I will come back here to check them out…
Though, as much as this scenery was pretty, and was working my imagination, I still was unable to shake the hollow pain in my throat away… Still, I decided to push through and do my best to enjoy my time here. This park was pretty empty, just having a few benches, a swing set, and a faraway vending machine. I thought getting something to drink before coming home could be relieving, and so I made my way towards the latter. As I approached it, I noticed there already was someone in front of it. My steps became slower and quieter, as I was trying to get an idea as to who this person was through the thin fog… Wait, is that…? My train of thought was immediately interrupted by the loud noise of a can dropping to the bottom of the machine, which startled me and led me to accidentally step on a leaf sitting on the ground. The crunch of the leaf made them aware of my presence, and then, our eyes met. This golden hair and piercing stare, oh no… In just a moment, the knot around my throat got tighter than ever before, and my knees gave out as my tears started flowing through the wind. Then, she started hurrying towards me…
The stars stand out, looking down.
While the cloud, lone and high,
All shut an eye at the rain falling, forlorn.